Depression

Something has been following you for as long as you can remember. And it is closing in on you. Fast. You try to run faster. Searching for a safer place. A place to hide. Anything can be better than this. This constant struggle to evade that monster and his talons that you know will tear you apart once they get a grip. 

Some things you just know. And some things you don’t.

You notice eyes all around you; little pin-points of red, staring at you out of this darkness. You see them everywhere. They seem to be angry with you. Why are they angry? Did you do something wrong? You must have, since they seem so angry. You feel guilty. Helpless. And slowly, one amongst them. They urge you to stop running. They want you to lay down with them. You relax.

You realize that it is getting darker and darker. The more you run, the worse it gets. But what are those lights? A bunch of twinkling little stars away in that corner. You steer towards them. You need to get to them before Something gets to you. But your feet feel heavy. Running isn’t as easy as it seems. Especially with those eyes encouraging you to give up.

But you glance at those lights again. Somehow, they give you hope. They rejuvenate you. You feel that once you reach that place, everything will get better. All you need is faith.

You force your feet to move faster. You try and force this darkness out of your way. Your eyes are stuck to those lights which seem to be coming closer at an alarming rate (or are you running that much faster?). You can feel the distance between you and Something widening.

And suddenly you are amidst the light. It is all around you. It is within you. You feel life. Everything is as it should be. You see things as they actually are.

You have left the circus, to walk amongst peasants again.

However, you know Something is always there, waiting for you. This light does not let you feel afraid. It gives you strength. And you know, now you can fight forever.

A Lover's Whimper

I thought I knew something about the world, and about the people that live in it. I thought I had gone through my share of struggles and heartbreak. I thought I was driven. I thought that my quest for knowledge was something that both pushed me, and fulfilled me. I thought that being strong, hard, and focused was the way to live. It was the way a man ought to be.  I was both right and wrong.

You opened my eyes.

You showed me that life is less about living for the moment, and more about living in the moment. You taught me to appreciate the little things, before worrying about the big things. Like you said, big things are little things put together. You showed me how to appreciate life, and embrace my emotions. To embrace that torrent of hurt, pain, anger, glee, satisfaction, regret, et cetera and ride in it like there is no tomorrow. You showed me how to achieve that balance. To be vulnerable yet strong, emotional yet level-headed, and appreciative yet critical.

Now, I realize the beauty of life. Now, I see the pattern in everything. Now, I think to question. Now, I think of reasons. I embrace myself, and you love me for it.

My only lament? I could not do for you what you did for me.

Fraidy Cat

Have you ever wondered why people smoke? Why they drink? Why, in a world filled with such beauty and wonder, do people choose to drown themselves in a pool of their vomit?

Some time ago, I started my journey down the rabbit hole, not knowing whether I would be able to find my way back. College, I thought! The place where I can finally be whoever I want to be, and do whatever I want to do! A place with limitless possibilities! So I indulged myself.

A couple of drinks here, a couple of drinks there, and before I knew it, I was lost.

When you place a bottle of alcohol in front of someone like me, someone plagued by his insecurities, and almost no discernible willpower, it is a definite recipe for disaster. That is the beauty of alcohol. It exaggerates the pain to an extent that it eventually numbs the mind. Until you can see the pain, and touch the hurt, without actually being a part of it. The elusive elixir. The secret of life. Or so I thought.

A dull knife does not cut, but it sure does bruise. And soon the bruise was worse than the cut I feared. I realized that pain, just like everything else, is relative. It all depends on your perception of the events that took place. Your take on the play that is your life.

However, in the end you can overcome anything. As the saying goes, there is no mountain so high, nor a river so wide that you cannot cross. It is just a matter of bypassing those initial obstacles, and everything else is just a cruise (albeit, a rather bumpy one).

Uh.... One for the road??

Hiatus

Hello, and welcome, my faithful followers! I noticed that it has been quite some time since my last post. I am sorry but I got a bit distracted with the other stuff going on in my life (yes, I too have a life).

But not to worry! I am back and ready to rock! I will keep trying to help you faithful followers gain enlightenment through my articles, and in the process, polish your reading as well!!

Till then, be cool.

Peace out.